I Stopped Choosing Willful Ignorance

Willful Ignorance

I knew Proverbs 31 to the heart. I heard MANY sermons about the virtuous woman, and against the drunkard, but the 2 verses in the middle were often just skipped over. I read that chapter more times than I could count. But it wasn’t until January 31st, 2021, after God had already began to change my worldview, and I was doing a start-of-year wisdom challenge; walking through the book of Proverbs with a small group of women, that I noticed proverbs 31:8-9. It jumped out on me. I didn’t remember ever seeing it there before, and that is soo so sad!

“Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.” -Proverbs 31: 8-9

 

“There is no such thing as remaining “neutral” in situations where SO MUCH INJUSTICE has been done. Silence speaks volumes. Many say they don’t know what to think, yet are not curious and do not ask questions…. If you think something is not a problem, because it hasn’t affected you personally, YOU are part of the problem.” -Shiloah Bickle

 
I saw those statements from a longer post on Facebook. I don’t know the individuals personally, but those selected words hit me. I felt them from both sides. People often trusted to come to me with deep things. Maybe they saw something in me? I don’t know. But for a season; and under certain doctrines, that “gift of mercy” as someone called it, became unjust and partial, and I didn’t even know that. I became the willful ignorant. When certain people spoke to me, I took everything they said as gospel truth; no questions asked. But for others, I first had to make sure they understood my loyalty to set systems or individuals. I thought I was being honorable; fearing God; making no room for slander. And I thought I was helping them honor God and their brethren as well. I didn’t realize then that I was being tone death and silencing them from full disclosure. I feared dishonoring people more than I wanted to hear the truth; even if that truth was said in love. For a season I WAS PART OF THE PROBLEM!
 
Then I had just a tiny little taste, in comparison to what others experience, of being crushed under while trying to hold a system up. A lonely season of reaching out but never getting heard. Then the feeling of relief when someone finally asked questions out of concern, just to be blindsided by their correcting, rebuking, canceling, and reconstructing how I should think, feel, and speak about the issue. Then everything was eventually dismissed.
 
You go through that and you learn to say “I’m fine” when people ask, “how are you?” because you know their response might be more traumatizing than your hurt. You learn to mourn someone who is still alive as if they were dead, because, though their intentions may be good, they will never be a safe space for you. And you learn what it feels like to need to stop and catch your breathe, as if you were about to jump off a cliff without a safety rope, just to gather up the strength to hit “post” on a write-up like this. You know that there is a chance that you will loose what’s left of your friendships.
 
In the past few years I have wept most out of repentance for my own lack of sensitivity towards those who have experience trauma in Christian environments than because of any hurts I personally endured. I see ministry from a very different lens now. If I get pushback for this post it will be nothing new. If you are pushing back because you have never experienced such things, I praise God for shielding you, and I hope you never experience them. But I also pray you will be willing to open yourself to learning.
 
I have met a tribe of believers; in person, online, in distant parts of the world; people I may never meet face to face, who have refused to idolize systems and positions. They have helped me see the light that cannot be swallowed up by darkness. They helped restore my faith in the church as a corporate body. Contrary to what some will wrongly conclude after reading this post; I Love the Lord! I love pastors and ministers. I appreciate those who serve in the house of the Lord with great reverence. I love the global Church and the fellowship of believers with one another. In fact, I love the church now more than I ever did before. It is that love for the church, and my gratitude for what God has done in my own life, and gratitude for the beautiful fellowship I have received from compassionate leaders and saints, and my desire for everyone to experience the liberation that only comes from Christ, that compels me to speak against the misuses of power, God’s name, and God’s word, in ways that harm God’s people.
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